I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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