Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
