There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize