i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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