I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
