mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
