Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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