And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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