she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
