He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
cat food counts as protein by the way
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
