$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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