the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
