Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
