Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
