Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
