you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
