Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
