Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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