the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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