Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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