Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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