I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
