Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
