Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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