1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
