i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
