Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
