The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
