We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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