I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
