i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize