I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
