I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
