We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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