it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
