The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
