There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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