I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
