Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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