I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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