I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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