you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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