I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
