how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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