I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
