It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
