Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
