i just google imaged poop.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
