i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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