Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
