Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
