My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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