i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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