honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
