Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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