I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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