i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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