pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
