Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
