Your tits are I can't wait for
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize