I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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