She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
