I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
