So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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