Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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