Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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