Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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