She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
