You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This toilet bowl is my home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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