I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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