So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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