The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
