I am midnight drunk by noon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
