Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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