i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
