His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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