if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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