Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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