You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
