Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
