I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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