Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
