brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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