I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
