I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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