And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
