Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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