We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize