That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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